you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
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