can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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