that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
