you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
