Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize