So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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