my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
