That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Randomize
