is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
