he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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