Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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