Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
