my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
