How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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