i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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