You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Randomize
