She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
