Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
