I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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