we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
