i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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