someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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