4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
