Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
