At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
