i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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