He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
