yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
