Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Girls should come with a carfax report
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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