I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
