Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize