Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
