I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
