He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
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