i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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