are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
You are the jesus of drinking
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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