I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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