Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize
