Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
