I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
