I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
