so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
