So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
