Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
