I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
