i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
