She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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