My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
In other news, I just burned my penis
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
