1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
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