Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
