ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize