I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Randomize
