hotel room ftw
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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