once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
