I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
