mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
