I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
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