so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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