I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
