His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
