I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
