Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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