I molested 6 butterflies tonight
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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