i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize