I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
