He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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