I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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