Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
