I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
