we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
You pole danced in your parka.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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