you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
