In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
