Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
