Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
