When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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