All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
