So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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