feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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