foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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