there was a trapeze. enough said
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize