we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
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